Jokes

A case for the FBI貓 竇 留 言 板 OFFICIAL MEOOW INTERNATIONAL FANS CLUB ( OMIFC )+ J1 U% W7 d5 N8 ^3 |

! c: g8 T( c/ O9 R/ vwww2.meoow.netThe phone rings at FBI headquarters.  "Hello?"  "Hello, is this FBI?" "Yes.  What do you want?" "I'm calling to report my neighbor Tom. He is hiding marijuana in his firewood." "This will be noted." Next day, the FBI comes over to Tom's house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept, break every piece of wood, find no marijuana, swear at Tom and leave. The phone rings at Tom's house. "Hey, Tom! Did the FBI come?" "Yeah!" "Did they chop your firewood?" "Yeah they did." "Okay, now it's your turn to call. I need my garden plowed."貓 竇 留 言 板 OFFICIAL MEOOW INTERNATIONAL FANS CLUB ( OMIFC )+ l. {3 c% G: K& K
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聯邦調查局的案件
7 y) `/ U8 O* o" u9 C聯邦調查局總部的電話響了。「喂?」「喂, 是聯邦調查局嗎?」「是的, 有何需要嗎?」「我打電話是檢舉我的鄰局湯姆。他在他的木柴中藏匿大麻。」「我們會嚴加注意的。」次日, 聯邦調查局來到湯姆的家。他們搜查了存放木柴的庫房，把木柴劈成一塊一塊, 沒有找到大麻，就對著湯姆口出穢言，然後離去。湯姆家的電話響了。「喂, 湯姆, 聯邦調查局有來你家嗎?」「有呀」「他們有劈你們家的木柴嗎?」「有呀, 他們劈了呀」「好了, 現在換你打電話了, 我的菜園需要犁一下了。」

The visit to the doctor
9 ^2 ]9 t% [  G% u, {" c! K  D/ ?! lA man asked his doctor if he thought he'd live to be a hundred. The doctor asked the man, "Do you smoke or drink?" "No." he replied, "I've never done either." "Do you gamble, drive fast cars, and fool around with women?" inquired the doctor. "No, I've never done any of those things either." "Well then," said the doctor, "what do you want to live to be a hundred for?"* p- {( r& V. h7 X# R
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拜訪醫師
5 {7 w7 p& w+ S; b. D有一個男人問他的醫師是否認為他會活到一百歲。醫師問這個男人：「你抽菸或喝酒嗎?」他回答說：「不, 我從不抽菸喝酒。」醫師問說：「你賭博、開快車、玩女人嗎?」「不, 我也從不幹那些事情。」醫師說：「那你幹麼要活到一百歲呀？」

Gone Shopping
( |3 B" w4 L! @8 x: P' Gwww2.meoow.netOur supermarket had a sale on boneless chicken breasts, and a woman I know intended to stock up. At the store, however, she was disappointed to find only a few skimpy prepackaged portions of the poultry, so she complained to the butcher. "don't worry, lady," he said. "I'll pack some more trays and have them ready for you by the time you finish shopping." Several aisles later, my friend heard the butcher's voice boom over the public-address system: "Will the lady who wanted bigger breats please meet me at the back of the store?"
6 m, e+ O, X/ V' c* Y- l. P貓 竇 留 言 板 OFFICIAL MEOOW INTERNATIONAL FANS CLUB ( OMIFC )& z" A$ \" m2 M" @7 E8 k9 y, s
購物
! @" E4 k/ Z2 H6 m$ d! K5 k我們的超級市場在廉價拍賣無骨雞胸, 我認識的某位女士打算去多買一些。然而, 到了這家肉店的時候她感到很失望, 因為只找到一點點事先就包裝好的雞肉, 所以她就向這位肉店老闆抱怨。他說：「小姐, 別擔心, 我會替你多包幾盤, 在你買完東西的時候把它們準備好。」逛完幾個走道之後, 我的朋友聽到肉店老闆的聲音透過公共廣播系統隆隆地說：「那位想要大胸部的小姐請到本店後方來見我好嗎?」

Exchange Sandwicheswww2.meoow.net: }% M& k* B) s$ }+ R
Two attorneys went into a diner and ordered two drinks. Then they produced sandwiches from their briefcases and started to eat. The waiter became quite concerned and marched over and told them, "You can't eat your own sandwiches in here!" The attorneys looked at each other, shrugged their shoulders and then exchanged sandwiches.
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交換三明治" e, m, B- R8 ]9 [8 A6 g0 c
有兩位律師走進一家小餐廳, 點了兩份飲料。然後他們就從他們的公事包當中拿出三明治開始吃。服務生感到相當不妥, 就走過去告訴他們: 「你們不可以在這裡吃你們自己的三明治!」這兩位律師彼此看了一下對方, 聳聳他們的肩膀, 然後就交換三明治。

Idiot Teacher. w9 R6 k4 H! g! `, R
"If there are any idiots in the room, will they please stand up?" said the sarcastic teacher. After a long silence, one freshman rose to his feet. "Now then mister, why do you consider yourself an idiot?" enquired the teacher with a sneer. "Well, actually I don't," said the student, "but I hate to see you standing up there all by yourself."
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白癡老師
; C. k) v6 G* }- s7 t喜愛挖苦人的老師說:「如果在這間教室裡面有白癡, 就請站起來好嗎?」。沉默了很久之後, 有一名新生就站起來了。老師就以譏笑的口氣問他:「喂, 先生, 你為什麼認為你自己是個白癡呀?」這名學生說:「唉呀, 實際上我才不認為我是個白癡呢, 而是我很討厭看著你一個人站在那裡啦。」

A Drunk' |- G! \& ~6 B! I
A police officer pulls over a guy who has been weaving in and out of the lanes. He goes up to the guy's window and says "Sir, I need you to blow into this breathalyzer tube." The man says, "Sorry officer I can't do that. I am an asthmatic. If I do that I'll have a really bad asthma attack." "Okay, fine. I need you to come down to the station to give a blood sample." "I can't do that either. I am a hemophiliac. If I do that, I'll bleed to death." "Well, then we need a urine sample." "I'm sorry officer I can't do that either. I am also a diabetic. If I do that I'll get really low blood sugar." "Alright then I need you to come out here and walk this white line." "I can't do that, officer." "Why not?" "Because I'm too drunk to do that."
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有一位警官把一個在車道上穿進穿出, 迂迴蛇行的男子攔到路邊。他走到這名男子的車窗旁邊說: 「先生, 我要你對著這個酒精測試管吹一口氣。」這名男子說：「對不起呀, 警官, 我不能吹呀。我是個氣喘病患者呀。如果我吹的話, 我就會真的罹患很嚴重的氣喘病。」「好, 好。我要你到警察局進行血液檢驗。」「我也不能抽血檢驗呀。我是個血友病患呀。如果我抽血檢驗, 我就會流血過多而死呀。」「嗯, 那我們就要你進行尿液檢驗吧。」「對不起呀, 警官, 我也不能驗尿呀。我也是一個糖尿病患者呀。如果 我驗尿的話, 我的血糖就真的會變得很低。」「好吧, 那我要你出來到這邊, 走這條白線。」「警官, 我辦不到呀。」「為什麼辦不到?」「因為我喝得太醉了, 所以不能那麼做呀。」

Apprehending Criminalswww2.meoow.net/ q* O6 p# i2 J: E4 y- q
The Los Angeles Police Department (LAPD), the FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals. The President decides to give them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest and each of them has to catch it. 3 \. c2 d1 w" Q- q: [5 E% Z

# w$ r8 M9 ?& y6 `, O) n4 A" U貓 竇 留 言 板 OFFICIAL MEOOW INTERNATIONAL FANS CLUB ( OMIFC )The CIA goes in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations they conclude that rabbits do not exist.
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: ?5 y+ h6 F. H; e+ V7 E) Z7 mwww2.meoow.netThe FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and they make no apologies. $ p: q6 g: W" m, M
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The LAPD goes in. They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear. The bear is yelling: "Okay! Okay! I'm a rabbit! I'm a rabbit!"www2.meoow.net; w4 O" N8 n. ]; x& u4 i* l

, Y" ?: A  ^3 c( }# w9 y) K貓 竇 留 言 板 OFFICIAL MEOOW INTERNATIONAL FANS CLUB ( OMIFC )逮捕罪犯0 A+ i4 w: C. h5 R
洛杉磯警察局、聯邦調查局和中央情報局，都想要證明他們最會逮捕罪犯。於是總統決定要考考他們。他把一隻兔子放進森林, 而他們每一個人都必須去抓牠。
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# V+ l% e8 J8 x4 h中央情報局的人進去了。他們在整個森林裡放置了動物通報器。他們質問所有的植物和礦物證人。就在三個月的密集調查之後, 他們得到的結論就是兔子不存在。: L( P) C/ u% E  f4 i

; D; I- O- u% m  |/ n聯邦調查局的人進去了。就在兩個星期都沒有線索之後, 他們放火把森林燒了, 殺光了裡面的一切, 包括這隻兔子在內, 而且他們並沒有表現出歉意。" P  b# u' G# B' x+ ~, w: F/ a
貓 竇 留 言 板 OFFICIAL MEOOW INTERNATIONAL FANS CLUB ( OMIFC )( I5 c' R* Z, Q) k
洛杉磯警察局的人進去了。兩個小時之後, 他們帶著一隻慘遭嚴重毆打的熊出來。這隻熊大聲地喊著說：「好啦! 好啦! 我是兔子啦! 我是兔子啦!」